Monday, August 24, 2009

A part of memory

" Dear Catherine:
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long.
I feel I've been lost....
no bearings, no compass.
I kept crashing into things, a little crazy, I guess.
I've never been lost before.
You were my true north.
I could always steer for home when you were my home.
Forgive me for being so angry when you left.
I still think some mistake's been made...
...and I'm waiting for God to take it back.
But I'm doing better now.
The work helps me.
Most of all, you help me.
You came into my dream last night with that smile...
...that always held me like a lover...
...rocked me like a child.
All I remember from the dream...
...is a feeling of peace.
I woke up with that feeling...
...and tried to keep it alive as long as I could.
I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace.
And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things.
I', sorry I didn't take better care of you...
...so you never spent a minute being cold or scared or sick.
I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words...
...to tell you what I was feeling.
I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door.
I fixed it now.
I'm sorry I ever fought with you.
I'm sorry I didn't apologize more.
I was too proud.
I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments....
...on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair.
I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength...
...that even God couldn't pull you away."

All my love, G.

(Gareth Blake, in "Message in a Bottle" - 1999)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Idealis vs Realistis

Akhir-akhir ini topik itu sering sekali kudengar, dan jujur saja, membuatku gerah.

Berapa kali teman-teman mendengar atau bahkan mengucapkan kalimat, "Sudahlah, kita harus realistis, jangan terlalu idealis!"?

Hm, apa sih idealis itu? Menurut Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia, idealis artinya 'orang yang bercita-cita tinggi atau orang yang menyukai hal-hal yang ideal"

So, menjadi orang yang idealis seharusnya positif. Tapi kenyataannya, sekarang ini cap idealis untuk seseorang sering dikonotasikan negatif. Orang yang idealis cenderung dianggap muluk-muluk, bahkan sok suci.

Well, kalau kita mau bangun rumah seperti impian (ide) kita, so perfect seperti istana, ada kolam renang, CCTV untuk keamanan, alarm pencuri, dsb...lalu ternyata kita hanya punya uang 500juta, padahal total dana yang dibutuhkan 1 M, maka kita memang harus realistis. Jangan muluk-muluk, ada rencana-rencana yang harus dihapus, ada budget yang harus ditekan. TAPI, kalau ternyata perusahaan kita ternyata tidak memenuhi persyaratan pemerintah, lalu pimpinan sepakat mengganti beberapa data, supaya kita terlihat memenuhi syarat, itu namanya MENIPU, bukan realistis. Celakanya, kalau ada orang dalam perusahaan yang menolak melakukan itu, orang itu akan dicap idealis, dan diberi nasihat supaya lebih realistis!Jadi, dunia ini sudah terbalik!

Ironisnya, kenyataan perang antara idealisme & realita justru banyak ditemukan di komunitas Kristen.Lalu sekarang aku jadi bingung...Ini sama dengan ironi yang memprihatinkan waktu kita tahu ada hakim/jaksa yang terlibat kasus suap. Kita akan bilang, "Mau jadi apa bangsa ini kalau penjaga gawang terakhir dari hukum justru menjadi pelanggar hukum?" Nah, sekarang: mau jadi apa dunia ini, kalau orang Kristen yang harusnya jadi garam&terang, ternyata ikut larut dalam intrik-intrik dunia?Wah, saya tidak sedang membawa Anda untuk hidup di awang-awang lho! Nggak berarti orang Kristen itu anti dan terpisah dari dunia. Justru garam itu harus masuk dan larut, tapi memberi rasa! Menjadi idealis bukan berarti harus hidup di luar realita. Tapi menjadi realistis juga bukan berarti hidup ikut arus!

Tuhan sendiri tentu adalah pribadi yang paling idealis, tapi Dia juga masuk ke dalam realita! Kalau Tuhan hanya menjadi idealis, Kristus nggak perlu datang ke dunia dan berkorban di kayu salib. Sebaliknya, kalau Tuhan hanya realistis, maka manusia sah-sah saja berbuat dosa terus.

Kasih (dalam konteks ini mungkin kuberi nama 'realita') dan keadilan (idealisme) harus berjalan beriringan, bukan bertentangan.

Memang, nggak mudah menjadi idealis di tengah dunia yang terbalik ini. Tuhan bilang, kita perlu cerdik seperti ular dan tulus seperti merpati. Mengungkapkan idealisme dengan motivasi kasih. Memang harus ada yang dikorbankan: dicap sok suci, dijauhi teman, bahkan mungkin dipecat dari pekerjaan. Tapi, kalau untuk meraih sesuatu di dunia saja kita rela berkorban, tentu untuk mahkota Kerajaan Allah kita lebih rela kan? Selamat berjuang! God strengthen you..

Love never fails

Let's talk about love, a topic which I rarely talk about ;)

Today, I was very upset to my boyfriend. Some things called pride and envy, made me mad at him. I avoided to talk with him. When he talked to me, I replied idly. Well, he realized my 'bad mood'-mode, and asked me: "What's wrong with you?" And I just give him a short answer: "I'm fine!" --well, i just wondering, why every woman always says that, instead of admit that they mad--

Hmm, shortly..he wanted to discuss about his job. He asked me about my opinion. In my 'bad mood' mode, I answered him with high tones. It didn't sound good at all. I knew that he was hurt by my attitude, but at that time..I didn't care at all!

Until in a moment, I looked at his face, and stucked by his sad and depressed face. Seemed like he said: "Why I can't get comfort, even from my beloved one?" Suddenly a huge guilty feeling slapped me! I regreted my bad attitude. My 'bad mood' mode changed into lovely mode. Then I hug him to comfort him. I felt that he was so happy and grateful for that.I realize that I can't always be a selfish woman, crowned by something called PRIDE. Why I must sulk for something that doesn't important at all? Why does it always difficult for me to lower my pride, and prefer to hurt my beloved, in the name of pride?

But today, thank God, that my love is greater than my pride. I realize that God created a couple so that they may help one another, support and strengthen one another.

Cho, maybe you will never read this note, but now I want to say sorry for my bad attitude this evening...

I luv u..

-August 14, 2009-