A part of memory

" Dear Catherine:
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long.
I feel I've been lost....
no bearings, no compass.
I kept crashing into things, a little crazy, I guess.
I've never been lost before.
You were my true north.
I could always steer for home when you were my home.
Forgive me for being so angry when you left.
I still think some mistake's been made...
...and I'm waiting for God to take it back.
But I'm doing better now.
The work helps me.
Most of all, you help me.
You came into my dream last night with that smile...
...that always held me like a lover...
...rocked me like a child.
All I remember from the dream...
...is a feeling of peace.
I woke up with that feeling...
...and tried to keep it alive as long as I could.
I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace.
And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things.
I', sorry I didn't take better care of you...
...so you never spent a minute being cold or scared or sick.
I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words...
...to tell you what I was feeling.
I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door.
I fixed it now.
I'm sorry I ever fought with you.
I'm sorry I didn't apologize more.
I was too proud.
I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments....
...on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair.
I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength...
...that even God couldn't pull you away."

All my love, G.

(Gareth Blake, in "Message in a Bottle" - 1999)